Taken Out

I feel like I've been taken out.

At the end of the Wild at Heart conference I went to in Colorado I was on a spiritual high, and John Eldridge warned us that Satan would do everything he could to take us out, to make us complacent and lose the passion we had. I thought that was just for the weak Christians, but man he can really attack us without us knowing.

I had kind of a wake up call yesterday when I was sitting at my desk and daydreaming about stuff. I realized that I have been ineffective in my walk with Christ and how much I missed my deep fellowship and intimacy with Him that I used to have. I can't even remember when or how I lost it. I just got caught up in daily mundane business and lost my eternal perspective and didn't put enough time into my relationship with God.

The hardest part of the whole thing is that I feel like I used to be really really close with God, like he was so real and part of my life constantly, and now I miss that. I miss Him like I would miss seeing my best friends after a while, or after being away from Carly for a long time. But it is even more than that because I realize that it's my own stupid fault and that I don't have to miss Him. But now it's so hard to figure out how to get back to where I once was.

I just read the chapter in Waking the Dead yesterday about guarding your heart, and I realized that I haven't done anything for my heart, or even paid attention to it for a long time. In fact, it's been so long that I don't even know what I would like to do for my heart.