I have realized recently that my whole life is about me. I think I have always known this, but have never really cared much about it. Why shouldn't my life be all about me? It's my life. Every scene of my life has cast me as the main character. I only let a few other people have major roles in my life, and I try to suppress everyone else to a minor or insignificant role. The only problem with this is that I am not good at playing the major role in my life. It is just selfishness. Everything I do is because of my own desires for my own life. I want every situation to be comfortable and easy for me. Everything I do, I do to bring me pleasure. I only make friends because I think they have something to offer me.

Community is what I really need, and deep down what I really want. The only problem with community is that you are not the only lead character anymore. Real, meaningful life can only happen when you are sharing it with other people, when you really care about other people. Your life doesn't mean anything until you share it with people who love you. And the only way that can work is if you love them. I think that is why Jesus told us that the greatest commandment is to love. It seems so simple, but it really is the hardest commandment that he could have given us. It is hard to love. It is hard because for us to really love, we have to put others above ourselves. We have to care more about other people than we do about ourselves. It seems like we will be losing something, that life will not be as fulfilling if we are not constantly looking out for our own interests, but I think that really it is the other way around.